I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
where are you?
Hypothermia
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
