FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Everything about him screamed your future.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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