dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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