im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
