If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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