I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
