Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
