I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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