??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
