He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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