I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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