if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
