I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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