you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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