Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
