i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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