i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize