i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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