I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
