I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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