Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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