i would punch a child for taco bell
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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