My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Who died my cat blue again?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
