I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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