we're making bets on your personal life
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
