I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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