Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
