You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
