Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
