Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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