ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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