I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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