if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Your cock deserves a montage
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
