My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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