I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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