When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
what day is it and did you see me today?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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