I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
