He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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