Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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