planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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