I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
