i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
