Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
