There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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