Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
