Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize