You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
