Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
