Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize