My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
