I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
