her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
