OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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