all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
