she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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