I queefed so loud it echoed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
