I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
