somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
