Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
