oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
