It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
