But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
