If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize