Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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