i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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