i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
